Drop the struggle and dance with life!

Feb 21, 2012

Eating for two

Couple of weeks ago, rushing from one chore to another, I had this sudden urge to pull over the car and simply cry. So, there I was, in the middle of a cold afternoon, pulled-over, hazard-lights on, sobbing on the shoulder of Rt27. Very unsympathetic shoulder, I should add. Between the hiccups and the sniffles, it occurred to me that I was simply busy, like always. Why it did break me down this time around?


Realization bloomed. Like the Bharathiraja movies, everything stilled around me, the coconut trees, the crashing waves, the zooming cars (just stay with me here, ok? It’s my story and if I want to use messed up imagery, I will), and I came to the conclusion that I might just be pregnant.

And everything faded into insignificance, as this thought took a life of its own (no pun intended)! A quick round of doctors and a battery of tests confirmed it. We announced my first pregnancy at 5 weeks, giddy with excitement and pride. This time around, since we are grown up and all, we decided to test our capability to withhold information and divulge it at the right time.

Which is right about now.

YAY! We are extremely excited to announce that we are expecting a little one in September 2012!

My darling daughter can't keep a secret you see, so initially we decided to tell her a little late. But couple of weeks ago, I was tired, she was cranky, and we were fighting. At one point, I was terrified she was going to crash into me, and my instincts kicked in. My panicked “Stop!” terrified her, since I usually refrain from yelling (at her that is. I have no compunctions about yelling at Arun).

Then came the “Mommy has a baby in her tummy” talk, followed by “How did the baby get into your tummy?” and then, “How is the baby going to come out?” Whew!

She became so excited, she wanted to assemble the crib we have stored in the basement, she put away one of her blankies for the baby to use, and made space for the baby clothing in her closet.

So I explained to her that the “Baby is not coming tonight”.
She simply rolled her eyes, “But we need to get ready!”

Since she will be in Kindergarten coming Sept, she practices her name and ours, every day. She wrote that, and she goes “Amma, what’s the baby’s name?”
“The baby does not have a name yet”
“I don’t know...”
“You can name the baby if you want”
“ok… is it a boy baby or a girl?”
“I don’t know”
“How can you not know?! It’s inside your tummy!”

Which was my cue to laugh. I told her that I cannot “see” the baby, so I don’t know if it was a boy or a girl. But she can still name it. So she called it ‘Flower baby” and promised me that it will be a neutral color flower (not pink or purple), so that if it’s a boy baby, he will not be embarrassed.

Now that she knew, she told everyone in her school the very next morning. When I went to pick her up, all the teachers congratulated me. The next day, all the parents were wishing me well – turns out, the kids went home and told their parents that Shri’s mom is having a baby!

We were delaying having another child, citing lack of strength, time, energy, financial and emotional resources required, the fear of a second 20 year commitment, and a hundred other things. Now that the decision has been taken out of our hands, our reservations haven't diminished, nevertheless, acceptance has kicked in. Whatever will be, will be.

Besides, my dad assures me that having a child is not a commitment of 20 years, but that of a lifetime.

No comments: