I think this must be one of the most amusing and hilarious moments of my life.
Recipe for Cutting Spouse's Hair.
1 Husband Lacking Hindsight.
1 Impish Wife
1 Gun-like high funda Machine.
8 Extra Hair Attachments.
2 Restraining Hair-Clips.
2 Large, White, Glad Forceflex garbage bags.
1 Paper cape.
-Chase child to living room and tempt her with cartoon.
-Spread the Glad Forceflex bags on the floor next to a Power outlet.
-Plug in the 'Gun'.
-Force the paper cape through Subject's head.
-Place all paraphernalia within handy distance.
-Shove, pat, shake the Subject's head until positioned correctly.
-Place the longest trimmer blade on the 'Gun'.
-Switch on the gun.
-Say a prayer.
1.Start from somewhere, while the subject yells about 'the neck, the neck'.
2.Begin again at the neck and work your way up towards the crown.
3.Repeat step 3 from left to right in parallel lines while subject has second thoughts.
4.Ask subject to hold his ears folded while tackling the temples.
5.If subject says that he never has to do that in SuperCuts, elucidate on the advantages of having two functioning ears - He is your first guinea pig afterall.
6.Stop and see how far you have progressed.
7.Pick another shorter trimmer blade if the hair is too long.
8.Repeat steps 1 to 5.
9.Now comes the difficult part - the crown and hair over the forehead- I admit, as a novice, it had me stumped.
10.Staring uncomprehendingly at it is not productive, so fix the Kozhi Kondai.
11.Take scissors and comb; part 1/2 inch sections with comb and cut sparingly.
12.If subjects says he will go to the professionals at this point, explain to him your superior wisdom from having hair 20" longer than his.
13.If necessary, use one of the restraining hair-clips on his mouth.
14.Finish off with trimming the neck hairline in a straight line.
15.Simmer subject's anger with thoughts of saving money by home hair-cuts.
16.Garnish with subdued giggles.
17.Sprinkle flattery generously.
Time taken: 20 minutes
Serves: 2 insane adults and all the blog readers.
Disclaimer: Do not try this at home.
PS: If you meet the subject, praise the cut. Remember, no bad comments, o.k.? I like my pretty little neck, thank you very much.