The exquisite women dressed up in shimmering and sparking gowns, gliding down the runway, rather than do something as ignoble and mundane as walking. The stage, the lights, the crowd, the cheers! A young girl watching the television with such yearning as she imagined herself in the beauty pageant, standing beside those women. For a brief moment, she clothed herself in silk and spot-light, wore the crown and adulation.
Her fumbling fingers found poise as the remote morphed into a mike. The words formed and took flight as she answered the judges’ question. She looked pleasantly confused when the tiara was placed on her. Then she smiled blindingly, shed a tear and.... came crashing down to earth with embarrassment as she found her neighbor standing in her doorway, looking aghast at her. As if she had gone nuts!
The girl was merely fanciful, she wasn't stupid. She knew there a snowball's chance in hell that she would actually walk down that runway - she was average at her best. But, desires and dreams do not know that, do they? She gave the intrusive neighbor a sheepish smile. It is what it is!
Well, that was me a dozen years ago. And one would think that as I grow, I would grow out of the deplorable habit of talking to myself. Instead, it seems that I have fostered a childhood habit to significant and embarrassing proportions! Have you met me? If you haven't, let me enlighten you- I never do anything in half-measures. Talking, not as in mumbling something under the breath to oneself, or even quietly in your head. Talking, as in out aloud. In third person.
I'm sure everyone has lovely conversations in their head. How else can you decide whether to smack or hit your spouse?! That is not interesting. Things get heated up when you voice the conversations aloud. I yell at myself when I do something particularly dumb - like accidentally delete something. And if my colleague walks in while I'm in full form, raging at my stupidity, then it's time for another talking-to about propriety when they leave.
I'm indebted to myself for giving up the fanciful notions at least. The talking has been reduced to occasions that merit it- dumbness, stupidity, and impulsiveness are my triggers. Next time you see me gesticulating emphatically, you would know why!